Maximum Ride,Twilight & Darren Shan randomness
by Max In Training
Summary: everytime i will kidnap 3 charecters, 1 from MR, 1 from Darren Shan AKA cirque du freak/vampires assistant; and 1 from Twilight. Its randomness in dialog form! Funny! dont read if you cant take a joke R&R! rated T! PLS read you will LOOOVE IT! FINISHED!
1. Max, Darren & Edward

**Me: Hiya! So basically I am gunna kidnap three characters in every chapter, one from Maximum Ride, one from Darren Shan(cirque du freak/the vampires assistant), and one from Twilight.**

**Max: yeah, yeah, just keep talking like were not here why don't ya!**

**Me: yes, I think I will actually. And by the way, this is the author's note, so vamoose!**

**Max: *glares* **

**Me: ok, I'm sorry. Do you wanna do the claimers?**

**Max: you don't own any of the characters, or anything to do with me, Darren Shan or Twilight.**

**Me: you heard the lady.**

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Darren: I'm alive too, you know.

Me: I know that because you're standing there talking to me.

Max: *groans* I still don't know how you kidnapped us.

Me: it was the pie. Never trust the pie.

Darren: we were kidnapped by a maniac.

Max: I noticed.

Me: *shakes head sadly* well it's your own fault for trusting the pie!

Darren + Max together: * groan and roll eyes*

Me: what about you Edward, you're kinda quiet.

Edward: indeed.

Me: …that's it, get in the boring box.

Darren: what's the boring box?

Me: a box you get sent to if you are being boring. He was.

Edward: indeed. *gets in the boring box*

Max: if you put me in there I will rip your spleen through your nose.

Me: *shrugs* fair enough. But he was very boring. I mean how could a vampire be so dull?

Darren: *snorts* that wasn't a vampire,that was glitter gone wrong.

Max: I second that.

Me: Whatever. Just don't be boring, Or else its box time!!!

Darren: *shrugs*

Max: whatever.

Me: *sighs* you just can't threaten people like you used to. Now who wants pie!!!

Max + Darren together: *scream and jump away*

Me: well at least don't trust the beloved pie anymore.

Darren: enough with the pie!!!

Max: finally he says something useful!!!

Me: how can you say something useful?

Max: I dunno…I'm gunna go make a sandwich. Got a problem with that?

Me: uh…one sec… *steps out of her bedroom onto the landing* MOM!!! I KIDNAPPED THREE PEOPLE AND ONE OF THEM WANTS A SANDWICH. IS THAT OK WITH YOU?!

Mom: *from down stairs* I GUESS SO, BUT DON'T EAT ALL THE BREAD, WE NEED IT FOR LUNCH TOMORROW!!!

Me: OK!!! *steps back into the room* go ahead.

Max: back in a minute *leaves room*

Darren: she smells like a chicken.

Me: no she doesn't.

Darren: whatever. I wonder how Edward is getting on in the box. I kinda feel sorry for him, don't you?

Me: *gives him a blank look* No.

Darren: oh. Ok.

****they sit in silence for a while****

Darren: soooooo………..

Me: I can read your mind.

Darren: wha?! Really?!

Me: nope *grins evilly* but I do have x-ray vision.

Darren: rea-

Me: silence, I KEEL you!!!

Darren: you have problems, lady.

Me: why, thank you! You say the nicest things when I threaten you with death!!!

Max: Max is here. I have the promised sandwich.

Me: did you use all the bread?

Max: yep. *starts to eat sandwich*

Me: Darren said you smelled like a chicken.

Max: *spits out sandwich and stands up*

Me: you are gunna die, boy.

Max: well said, my friend, well said.

Darren: *gulps nervously*

Max: *launches herself at him*

****insert fighting here. Include occasional shouts of "chicken girl" or "you must die"****

Me: Edward you can come out now.

Edward: indeed. *crawls out*

Me: Max and Darren are fighting over who gets to run Demetri over with a truck.

Edward: *growls and joins fight*

Me: MWAHAHAHA *grins evilly again*

****continue the fighting, but now add more screams and random insults to do with glitter****

Me: ok, bored now.

****about half an hour later****

Me: finished yet?

Darren, Max + Edward: *nod tiredly*

Me: finally.

Max: hey, you started it lady!

Darren: yeah!

Edward: indeed.

Everyone except me: *glares at me*

Me: uh oh. Gotta go! Bye now!

Max: finally!!!

Darren: I thought it would never end!!!

Edward: indeed.

Me: Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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**What do ya think?! R&R and tell me who you want me to kidnap next!!! There might actually be a topic next time, instead of just insane randomness. R&R!!!!!!**

**Peace out,**

**Max In Training XXXXXXX**


	2. Fang, Evra & Jacob

**Me: YO PEEPS!!!! This week I have kidnapped…drum role please…dun dun dun…it is… (I'll just get to the point now) Fang, Evra and Jacob!!!**

**Jacob: oh, joy.**

**Me: could you be any less enthusiastic?**

**Fang: I could.**

**Me: oh. Ok. Well I just want to say thanks to everyone who reviewed last time:**

**Jezabel Raewin**

**RO-Z 28**

**Fake Jung**

**Scrumpy**

**Thanks guys!!! Also, I don't own Fang, Evra or Jacob. (that was a disclaimer, in case you didn't guess) Any who…..**

Me: this is weird.

Evra: you've got a bird kid, a snake boy and a werewolf in your bed room. Now, why would that be weird?

Me: no, it's not that. I'm feeling a distinct lack of fangs.

Fang: i'm here, aren't I?

Me: *rolls eyes* fangs, not Fang. Last time I had two vampires, this week I have none.

Jacob: so? *does a face-palm* you're not team Edward, are you?!

Me: nope, I'm team Jacob.

Evra: what about team Evra?

Me: Merla is team Evra.

Fang: then who's team fang?!

Me: Max?

Fang: Oh yeah.

Jacob: I though there was only two teams, Jacob and Edward.

Evra: who's Edward?

Me: *face-palm* I am NOT getting into this discussion. Well, any more than I already am.

Fang: have you got any cookies?

Me: what is it with bird kids and food?! Last week it was Max and a sandwich, this week it-

Jacob: just get the cookies. Please.

Me: whatever. Let's go Evra. *starts to drag him away*

Evra: wha?!

****going down the stairs****

Evra: why did you make me come?

Me: *shrugs* so Jacob and Fang will fight.

****in the kitchen***

Evra: that's terrible! Also, why?

Me: *shrugs again* I got reviews asking for Jacob and fang so that they would fight. The reviews must be obeyed.

Evra: but-

Me: *shoves a cookie in his mouth* shush! You ask too many questions! Now, come on, they are gunna want these cookies when they're done.

****on the stairs again****

Evra: but what if they fight with me?!

Me: nah, you're too sensible. Now, shush. *opens door*

****in bedroom****

Jacob: stupid bird brain!

Fang: *punching Jacob* you- Are- A- fridge- Without- Wings!

Me: ooohhh…that's a classic Fang quote.

Evra: except he added without.

Me: *shocked* how did you know that?

Evra: I read Maximum Ride.

Me: when?!

Evra: when Darren told me he was kidnapped by a crazy girl who was a Maximum Ride maniac. I thought it would come in handy.

Me: oh. Fang and Jacob are still fighting.

Evra: so they are. One sec… *throws a couple of loose scales at them*

Jacob: *jumping away from Fang* ugh! Gross!

Fang: Nasty!

Evra: sorry. Why were you fighting?

Fang: he called me an emo!

Jacob: only because he said Bella was a dog's name!

Me: you sound like two year olds. Not that I have anything against two year olds.

Evra: And Bella is a dog's name. Also, you do kind of look like an emo, Fang.

Fang: and you look like a frog, so were even.

Me: what's wrong with emos? Or frogs, for that matter?

Everyone: *stares at me*

Jacob: okay….

Me: Oh yeah! I am very pleased to announce that Edward has escaped from the boring box! That means he might not be so boring after all! Or maybe he is, I dunno. I'm tired. I want pie. But not the poison kind, like I fed you guys. just normal pie. Oh no, I'm gunna burst into song!

_Do ya like waffles?_

_Yeah we like waffles!_

_Do ya like pancakes?_

_Yeah we like pancakes!_

_Do ya like French toast?_

_Yeah we like French toast!_

_Do do do do do_

_Gotta get a mouthful!_

Me: sorry about that.

Jacob: *looking freaked out* uh, yeah…

Evra: *also looking freaked out* yup.

Fang: *looking thoughtful* you know what? You're kinda like Nudge. Except the kidnapping thing.

Me: thanks! Any who on that note, we will finish up!

Evra: ya know what's weird? I actually enjoyed being here.

Fang: meh.

Jacob: I didn't.

Me: okaaaaaay….. Bye!!!! Everybody say bye!!!

Everybody: bye!!!!!!

**YAY! Chapter two!!! You know the drill, R&R!!! I DO actually take the reviews into account, as the people who reviewed last time know. ALSO! Remember to tell me who you want next time!!!**

**See Ya!**

**XXX max in training XXX**


	3. Angel, Debbie, Alice & SPECIAL GUEST DJ

**Me: Hiya! Today I'm joined by my BFF…Dun Dun Dun….**

**DJ: me!!!! Hola!**

**Me: also Debbie, Alice and Angel!!!**

**DJ: Hi! I like octopus! Cheese is also kinda funky feet! *hits me with cast***

**Me: OWCH! yeah…she is KINDA weird… also she is not really called DJ but hey, who cares! I don't own the maximum ride stuff or the twilight stuff or the Darren Shan stuff! (that was a disclaimer in disguise)**

**DJ: I love disclaimers! They suck monopoly games!**

**Me: okaaaaaaaaaay… lets start the party!**

* * *

Debbie: That was freaky. Also we didn't talk much. Furthermore…

Me: Get into the boring box.

DJ: Yay! Can I go into the box?! It sounds like cheese!

Alice: uh…

Angel: wow she is actually thinking about cheese all the time…ALL the time…

DJ: will you be my friend? you seem nice

Angel: yeah!

Me: ummm…

Alice: *glares at DJ* what about me?!

Me: I know…GIVE HER A MAKEOVER!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

DJ: *looks panicky* No! Alice! I thought you could see us being friends in the future! can you really see the future?!

Alice: yes, I can actually. Also, I lied about us being friends!

Angel: it's true you know.

Me: ooh…. Five minutes and you've already got yourself an enemy, DJ! That's a record!

DJ: Oh my gaud I love making enemies my mommy always says its healthy for me!

Debbie: *from boring box* its dark in here! And something just bit my toe!

Me: don't worry, it wasn't a hungry vampire! Edward escaped a couple of days ago!

Alice: You put Edward in the boring box?!

Angel: Is total in there too? If you put him in, I swear, max won't be happy about it!

Me: I didn't put him in the box!

DJ: Why did you put total in there?! I like total…

Me: I didn't!

Alice: I'm leaving now.

Me: ok, bye!

Angel: I thought you kidnapped us?

Me: I did.

Angel: I guess she escaped.

Me: Damn. Now it's just me DJ, and Angel.

Debbie: *from boring box* And me!

Me: shush.

DJ: I like…. Oh look a kitty cat

Me: that's my foot.

DJ: oh. I like your foot it's tasty

Me: EWWW! get away from me! WEIRDO!

Angel: this is getting a little weird, even for me.

DJ: pumpkins rock don't ya think *picks up a pumpkin and stuffs it in Angel's mouth*

Angel: munmufnch

Me: exactly.

DJ: Angel, stop trying to pull the pumpkin out of your mouth you munmufnch

Me: *looking out the window* uh, DJ, your mom is here.

DJ: ok, bye!

Me: bye!

DJ: *leaves room*

Angel: huknuchump

Me: *pulling the pumpkin out of her mouth* sorry about the pumpkin. *puts it down*

Angel: *rubbing her mouth* thanks. I'm glad DJ is gone. She was Weird.

Me: ANGEL! She is one of my all-time BFFs!!!

Angel: Sorry. But she put a pumpkin in my mouth!

Me: good point. But that doesn't mean you can call her weird!

Angel: you did.

Me: yeah, but she licked my foot.

Angel: point taken. Oh! Alice! You can come out now!

Alice: *getting out of the wardrobe* wow, you need a bigger wardrobe. Wow, that child was annoying! She had a nice cast though!

Me: ugh. Will you all stop calling her weird?! Just cause she got slightly hyper…

Alice: slightly?

Angel: I'm sorry, do you forget the PUMPKIN?!

Me: whatever! End of discussion!

Debbie: *from box* can I come out?

Me: *sigh* FINE, OK! Fine.

Debbie: wow, that is one creepy box.

Me: huh. Oooh lookie… Tom and Jerry is on TV!!!!!

Angel: *looking hypnotised* I love …Tom and …Jerry…

Debbie: *whispering* is she ok?

Alice: That programme will end in exactly 2 minute and 4 seconds. Then she will be fine.

Angel: *jumping up and down in font of the TV* OMG! They can talk!

Me: uh, Angel, can you hear me?!

Angel: *jumping so fast she looks like a hyperactive chipmunk* NOW THEY'RE SINGING!

Alice: oh no.

Debbie: what?!

Alice: ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS IS ON NEXT!!!

Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Angel: *looking depressed* Nooooooo! Tom And Jerry is OVER! *brightening up* yay! Alvin and The Chipmunks is on! *turns into a giant, human shaped chipmunk-girl*

Debbie: WHAT HAPPENED TO HER!!!!????

Me: she has creepy special powers.

Alice: uh, I think we should end on that.

Me: I agree.

* * *

**Done! Whadda ya think?! I know the last one wasn't the best, but hopefully this one was better (hopefully!) you know what to do! R&R !!! **

**See that button there? It says Review this story/chapter. You can see it. It feels lonely. Go on click on it.**

**Click.**

_**Click**_**. **

**Click.**

**CLICK!**

**That will be all. NEW CHAPTER COMING SOON TO A COMPUTER NEAR YOU!!!!!**

**LUVS YA!!!!!!!!!!**

**XXX max in training XXX**


	4. Bella, Iggy, Mr Crepsley & SPECIAL GUEST

**Me: Helo0o0o0o0o0o0! Ok, usually my authors notes are, like really long so I'll get on with it: today's guests are, the long awaited (and much requested by my reviewers)**

**Bella!**

**Iggy!**

**&**

**Larten Crepsley!**

**Iggy: gosh, I feel like such a celebrity!**

**Bella: sure…**

**Mr Crepsley: also, I would prefer for you to call me Mr Crepsley.**

**Me: speaking of reviewers-**

**Iggy: we weren't**

**Me: speaking of reviewers, here they are, right from the first chapter!**

**Jezabel Raewin**

**RO-Z 28 (x 2)**

**Fake Jang (x 3)**

**Scrumpy**

**kyoXTohru1**

**Malli Ride (x 2)**

**lunareclipse3**

**Mizz Edward cullen97 (DJ from chap 3)**

**dancinmetalchick**

**Thanks! Luvs ya!**

**Iggy: you said this was gunna be short!**

**Bella: yes. End of authors note.**

* * *

Me: oh. My. God. You did NOT just end my authors note.

Mr Crepsley: hmmm… she seems overly possessive of her authors note. Maybe it could be used for blackmail…

Iggy: I like your style! But not your hair. Or your clothes.

Me: Iggy, you're blind. You can't see him.

Iggy: god dammit! He didn't know that!

Bella: what difference does it make?

Me: none.

Mr Crepsley: *grumbles* you young people…

Iggy: that's us!

Me: *walking to the window* wow, its dull in here! Who closed the curtains?!*starts to open them*

Bella & Mr Crepsley: noooooooooo!

Me: okay, okay! Sheesh!

Iggy: *practically choking himself laughing* what, are you vampires, or something?

Mr Crepsley & Bella: *look very uncomfortable*

Me: *snorts* give the mutant bird-kid a prize!

Iggy: *looking shocked* you're not serious, are you?

Bella: of course not *glares at me*

Mr Crepsley: don't be absurd!

Iggy: *looking relieved* oh, right. Ya know, I'm not that stupid! Bella, you're the worst liar ever!

Me: uh…don't you care that they're vampires?

Iggy: nope. *grins* I have a back-pack full of bombs!

Bella: *looking alarmed* oh my god! Where did you get bombs?!

Iggy: I made them. Hey, is oldie over there a vampire too?

Mr Crepsley: *running over so fast you can't see him* what did you say, you impudent little runt?! I could kill you in a myriad of different ways, and so could Bella here, and you don't care! And, to make things worse, you have formed camaraderie with our captor! We could have trussed her up with her own shoe laces by now! And as for you! *turns to face me* you know nothing about the kidnapping business! This place should be highly tenebrous, and yet it is bright and cheerful! Yes, I appreciate your intrepid capture mission, and the perilous danger of kidnapping two vampires and a young pyro-maniac, but I believe you should have told the runt forthright what we were! And, making Bella and I walk across the sward outside your house, when the sun was shining brightly! We could have been discovered! And-

Me: ok, lets stop right there!

Iggy: my ears! They are bleeding! And I'm not a runt!

Bella: …

Me: she's still reeling from the aftermath. And I like my room cheerful!

Bella: You HORRIBLE man!

Iggy: *looking startled* me?!

Bella: *looking, well scary, actually* no. that rotten excuse for a vampire!

Iggy: ohhhhh…. Larten, right!

Mr Crepsley: I told you, you swine! It's Mr Crepsley!

Me: jeeze, calm down everyone! And why are you so angry anyway, Bella?

Bella: he just said I would kill you! I would never!

Mr Crepsley: I said 'could' not 'would'

Iggy: *leaning out the window* bombs away!

Me: What! No! IGGY!

Bella: *runs over and jumps half-way out the window* got it! *smashes it in her fingers*

Iggy: hey!

Me: *leaning out the window to help Bella back in* sheesh, Iggy! You nearly hit my brother! Hello down there cian!

Cian: *stares up with his mouth open* you have GOT to stop kidnapping people!

Me: mom said I could!

Cian: meh.

Bella: I have a present for you cian!*dumps Mr Crepsley out of the window* his name is Mr Crepsley!

Cian: uh… hello Mr Crepsley. Sorry about my sister, she's a little crazy…

Me: quiet you or I'll set Bella on you! *gets back inside and closes the window*

Iggy: huh. That was…bizarre.

Me: ooooh… good word for you!

Bella: *sighs*

Me: what?

Bella: I miss Edward. And Alice. And Esme. And jasper and Emmett and Carlisle, a little. But not Rosalie.

Iggy: who?!

Me: ugh. It doesn't matter, ok?!

Iggy: ooooh! Cranky!

Me: shut up.

Bella: *goes into a corner and starts to cry*

Iggy: okaaaaaaaaaay….

Me: she's kinda obsessed. It's like max and fang.

Iggy: oh. I see.

Me: yup.

Bella: *still sobbing*

Me: ok, I think its time to end.

Cian: *busting through the door* wait!

Mr Crepsley: don't!

Iggy: I say we wait.

Bella: *stops crying* yeah!

Cian: have you ever…

Me: continue!

Cian: put…

Iggy: yeah?

Cian: cheese…

Mr Crepsley: finish the sentence.

Cian: on…

Bella: on what?!

Cian: CAKE?!

Iggy: gross.

Cian: it's quite nice, actually!

Bella: ew! Nasty!

Mr Crepsley: *shudders* he made me eat it!

Me: ok…now we can end!

* * *

**Ta da! So what do you think?! Better or worse?! Pleeeeeeas R&R! They help me write better! :D the reason it was such a long chapter is I didn't update in ages (sorry about that)**

**SAD NEWS TIME:**

**I probably won't be doing many more of these, I'd say about one or two more **

**but guess what?! If I stop this one, it leaves more time for a new story! Yay, new story! **

**HAPPY NEWS TIME:**

**I wrote a one shot! or possibly two, I forget :o] any who if you are bored, they are waiting for you!**

**ALSO – cian is actually my brother, his name on fan fiction is :**

**Marios toaster**

**Ok, that's all folks!**

**Peace out!**

**XxX max in training XxX**


	5. non ransom note

**Readers:**

**We have kidnapped the author of this story, for revenge purposes, of course. I doubt you will see her again any time soon.**

[M] _We're totally going to make her our slave!_

**Excuse the interruption from Maximum. She can be such a hooligan…**

_Hey! I am not a hooligan!_

[F] **Yes you are.**

_Shut up Fang!_

[E] _Indeed._

_You to Eddie!_

[I] _**Yeah Edmond!**_

_How are you even writing this, Iggy? You're blind!_

**Oh, well done!**

**Excuse me, I'm penning this letter, thank you very much! Anyway as I was saying before this letter was so rudely snatched out of my hands**

_Oh, you are so boring, Mr. Parsley!_

**My name is Crepsley, not Parsley.**

_**More like Creepsley…**_

**That's it! Enough!**

[ME] What, I don't even get a say in my own ransom note? There is a ransom, right? I can't believe you tricked me with the pie!

_You once told me this: "never trust the pie!"_

Whatever! Just because I lost Gazzy and Esme in between dimensions! I mean, I'm pretty sure they are in ether Wonderland or Neverland!

**I said enough! And there is no ransom! Hmm… we seem to be running out of paper. Let us finish this quickly. The main point is that we have kidnapped your author, and you're not getting her back! We have had enough of the madness!**

Did it not occur to you that you will now get total, epic, 24 hour random madness?

**Damn.**

_Indeed._

Yep.

**Well then… good bye, readers.**

**Mr. Crepsley.**

_Yo. Let this be a warning to anyone who wants to loose any of my flock in the subspace between dimensions._

_Max._

**What she said.**

**Fang**

_Indeed._

_Edward_

_**Yeah. Whatever.**_

_**Iggy O~*__--- Bomb**_

Well, I guess this is farewell, dear readers! I would like to thank everyone that reviewed and/or read this. So, I guess this is good bye… Virtual hugs for everyone who has read!

[INSERT VIRTUAL HUG HERE]

Okay, bye!

Max in training XXX

Ps look this up on youtube:

St. Louis secondary school flash mob dance

It's the one where everyone is wearing green. I'm in it! It soooooo rocked!

Okay bye again! XXXXX


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